Should Elin Nordegren Stay for the Dough? By Natalie Pace.
Dear Natalie:
Like Elin, I thought I married a Tiger, but I ended up with a Cheetah (cheater). Is this a deal breaker, or should we stay for the money?
Dear Cheetah Lover:
It’s sobering and sad to experience such a deep level of betrayal, as both you and Elin have endured. However, my guess is that there were clues all along that you were always dealing with a Cheetah, not a Tiger. So, this wake-up call is a blessing and an opportunity to right some very serious wrongs sooner rather than later.
Most of the free advice lavished on Elin these days focuses on money, and that is very short-sighted. No amount of money can heal a screwed up marriage and the at-risk kids that kind of life creates. Golf club weapons, car accidents, “sexting” on the sly, et al. is the opposite of what kids should see their parents doing.
Sanctuary Home.
A home is where the soul is nourished or polluted. Betrayal is toxic. The primary question for Elin (and you) to answer is, “Can I create and thrive in my home as a sanctuary?” And more importantly, “Can my children learn to become healthy, loving partners in this home?”
Parents are role models and nurturers. In order to do their job right, the two must immerse themselves in an abundance of trust and loyalty, with a healthy dose of humor. In short, their union must be sacred – above all other allegiances. Not at the sacrifice of his/her own individuality – but as a compliment and foundation for each partner’s own greatness.
Pleasure seekers do not make great sacred companions. Discord, deceit, lies, cheating and violence are horrible examples for children. (Duh!) You pay the price of an ugly relationship glued together with “money,” in abuse (physical, verbal, emotional or monetary), ridicule, underlying and chronic unhappiness, addiction and violence – and these become what the children know as normal and will go on to replicate in their own lives as adults.
From the outside, it’s hard to know how many of these very serious and tragic circumstances Elin endures (or you endure), but the statistics are not good. The children of “pleasure seekers” -- who seek to fill up their free time with drugs/alcohol/sex – too often end up as addicts, too. Children who witness violence/discord/mayhem/struggle/deceit/lies in the home go on to create that for themselves as adults.
Elin’s primary job (and your job) is to break the cycle of addiction and violence – if not for herself, then for her children. She should not “stay” for the money. She should create a sanctuary home immediately for her children, away from the seeds of discord. Her Cheetah may promise to become a Tiger again, and even take radical steps to renew the sacred union. But addicts are commonly trapped in a never-ending cycle of addiction and bad behavior, followed by remorse and regret. Neither Elin nor you should fall for promises of change. By his actions, over an extended period of time, you will know him. And in the meantime, the relationship cannot be rebuilt upon such a damaged foundation.
Get out immediately, which is the only way healing can begin (for both the Cheetah and the Cheated On). Not necessarily divorce immediately, but separate now, so that if the union is renewed, it is rebuilt upon a strong and sacred foundation. Go to your mother’s is you have, too (like they used to in the olden days).
Elin can and should get enough money to provide for herself and her children, regardless of whether she stays married or divorces, and the same goes with you, too! Focus on the sanctuary home and thriving, while at the same time making sure that you protect the lives and livelihood of the kids. Cheetahs are dangerous to have in the home, and the fiscal fallout of their risky behavior can be far more expensive -- in time, money, postponed happiness and bailouts for messed up teens -- than any pay day can afford.
About Natalie Pace:
Natalie Pace, is the author of You Vs. Wall Street and host of the Modern Girl’s Guide to Sex, Love and Money radio show on BlogTalkRadio.com/NataliePace! Follow her on Twitter.com/NataliePace, YouTube.com/NataliePaceDOTCOM and Facebook.com/NatalieWynnePace. For more information please visit, http://www.nataliepace.com.
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